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CHAPTER XXV
A GREAT MAN ATTENDS TO BUSINESS
Having seen Lord Russell murdered in the fields of
Lincoln's Inn, or rather having gone to see it, but
turned away with a sickness and a bitter flood of
tears--for a whiter and a nobler neck never fell before
low beast--I strode away towards Westminster, cured of
half my indignation at the death of Charles the First.
Many people hurried past me, chiefly of the more tender
sort, revolting at the butchery. In their ghastly
faces, as they turned them back, lest the sight should
be coming after them, great sorrow was to be seen, and
horror, and pity, and some anger.
In Westminster Hall I found nobody; not even the crowd
of crawling varlets, who used to be craving evermore
for employment or for payment. I knocked at three
doors, one after other, of lobbies going out of it,
where I had formerly seen some officers and people
pressing in and out, but for my trouble I took nothing,
except some thumps from echo. And at last an old man
told me that all the lawyers were gone to see the
result of their own works, in the fields of Lincoln's
Inn.
However, in a few days' time, I had better fortune; for
the court was sitting and full of business, to clear
off the arrears of work, before the lawyers' holiday.
As I was waiting in the hall for a good occasion, a man
with horsehair on his head, and a long blue bag in his
left hand, touched me gently on the arm, and led me
into a quiet place. I followed him very gladly, being
confident that he came to me with a message from the
Justiciaries. But after taking pains to be sure that
none could overhear us, he turned on me suddenly, and
asked,--
'Now, John, how is your dear mother?'
'Worshipful sir' I answered him, after recovering from
my surprise at his knowledge of our affairs, and kindly
interest in them, 'it is two months now since I have
seen her. Would to God that I only knew how she is
faring now, and how the business of the farm goes!'
'Sir, I respect and admire you,' the old gentleman
replied, with a bow very low and genteel; 'few young
court-gallants of our time are so reverent and dutiful.
Oh, how I did love my mother!' Here he turned up his
eyes to heaven, in a manner that made me feel for him
and yet with a kind of wonder.
'I am very sorry for you, sir,' I answered most
respectfully, not meaning to trespass on his grief, yet
wondering at his mother's age; for he seemed to be at
least threescore; 'but I am no court-gallant, sir; I
am only a farmer's son, and learning how to farm a
little.'
'Enough, John; quite enough,' he cried, 'I can read it
in thy countenance. Honesty is written there, and
courage and simplicity. But I fear that, in this town
of London, thou art apt to be taken in by people of no
principle. Ah me! Ah me! The world is bad, and I am
too old to improve it.'
Then finding him so good and kind, and anxious to
improve the age, I told him almost everything; how much
I paid the fellmonger, and all the things I had been to
see; and how I longed to get away, before the corn was
ripening; yet how (despite of these desires) I felt
myself bound to walk up and down, being under a thing
called 'recognisance.' In short, I told him everything;
except the nature of my summons (which I had no right
to tell), and that I was out of money.
My tale was told in a little archway, apart from other
lawyers; and the other lawyers seemed to me to shift
themselves, and to look askew, like sheep through a
hurdle, when the rest are feeding.
'What! Good God!' my lawyer cried, smiting his breast
indignantly with a roll of something learned; 'in what
country do we live? Under what laws are we governed?
No case before the court whatever; no primary
deposition, so far as we are furnished; not even a
King's writ issued--and here we have a fine young man
dragged from his home and adoring mother, during the
height of agriculture, at his own cost and charges! I
have heard of many grievances; but this the very worst
of all. Nothing short of a Royal Commission could be
warranty for it. This is not only illegal, sir, but
most gravely unconstitutional.'
'I had not told you, worthy sir,' I answered him, in a
lower tone, 'if I could have thought that your sense of
right would be moved so painfully. But now I must beg
to leave you, sir--for I see that the door again is
open. I beg you, worshipful sir, to accept--'
Upon this he put forth his hand and said, 'Nay, nay, my
son, not two, not two:' yet looking away, that he might
not scare me.
'To accept, kind sir, my very best thanks, and most
respectful remembrances.' And with that, I laid my hand
in his. 'And if, sir, any circumstances of business or
of pleasure should bring you to our part of the world,
I trust you will not forget that my mother and myself
(if ever I get home again) will do our best to make you
comfortable with our poor hospitality.'
With this I was hasting away from him, but he held my
hand and looked round at me. And he spoke without
cordiality.
'Young man, a general invitation is no entry for my fee
book. I have spent a good hour of business-time in
mastering thy case, and stating my opinion of it. And
being a member of the bar, called six-and-thirty years
agone by the honourable society of the Inner Temple, my
fee is at my own discretion; albeit an honorarium. For
the honour of the profession, and my position in it, I
ought to charge thee at least five guineas, although I
would have accepted one, offered with good will and
delicacy. Now I will enter it two, my son, and half a
crown for my clerk's fee.'
Saying this, he drew forth from his deep, blue bag, a
red book having clasps to it, and endorsed in gold
letters 'Fee-book'; and before I could speak (being
frightened so) he had entered on a page of it, 'To
consideration of ease as stated by John Ridd, and
advising thereupon, two guineas.'
'But sir, good sir,' I stammered forth, not having two
guineas left in the world, yet grieving to confess it,
'I knew not that I was to pay, learned sir. I never
thought of it in that way.'
'Wounds of God! In what way thought you that a lawyer
listened to your rigmarole?'
'I thought that you listened from kindness, sir, and
compassion of my grievous case, and a sort of liking
for me.'
'A lawyer like thee, young curmudgeon! A lawyer afford
to feel compassion gratis! Either thou art a very deep
knave, or the greenest of all greenhorns. Well, I
suppose, I must let thee off for one guinea, and the
clerk's fee. A bad business, a shocking business!'
Now, if this man had continued kind and soft, as when
he heard my story, I would have pawned my clothes to
pay him, rather than leave a debt behind, although
contracted unwittingly. But when he used harsh
language so, knowing that I did not deserve it, I began
to doubt within myself whether he deserved my money.
Therefore I answered him with some readiness, such as
comes sometimes to me, although I am so slow.
'Sir, I am no curmudgeon: if a young man had called me
so, it would not have been well with him. This money
shall be paid, if due, albeit I had no desire to incur
the debt. You have advised me that the Court is liable
for my expenses, so far as they be reasonable. If this
be a reasonable expense, come with me now to Lord
Justice Jeffreys, and receive from him the two guineas,
or (it may be) five, for the counsel you have given me
to deny his jurisdiction.' With these words, I took his
arm to lead him, for the door was open still.
'In the name of God, boy, let me go. Worthy sir, pray
let me go. My wife is sick, and my daughter dying--in
the name of God, sir, let me go.'
'Nay, nay,' I said, having fast hold of him, 'I cannot
let thee go unpaid, sir. Right is right; and thou
shalt have it.'
'Ruin is what I shall have, boy, if you drag me before
that devil. He will strike me from the bar at once,
and starve me, and all my family. Here, lad, good lad,
take these two guineas. Thou hast despoiled the
spoiler. Never again will I trust mine eyes for
knowledge of a greenhorn.'
He slipped two guineas into the hand which I had hooked
through his elbow, and spoke in an urgent whisper
again, for the people came crowding around us--'For
God's sake let me go, boy; another moment will be too
late.'
'Learned sir,' I answered him, 'twice you spoke, unless
I err, of the necessity of a clerk's fee, as a thing to
be lamented.'
'To be sure, to be sure, my son. You have a clerk as
much as I have. There it is. Now I pray thee, take to
the study of the law. Possession is nine points of it,
which thou hast of me. Self-possession is the tenth,
and that thou hast more than the other nine.'
Being flattered by this, and by the feeling of the two
guineas and half-crown, I dropped my hold upon
Counsellor Kitch (for he was no less a man than that),
and he was out of sight in a second of time, wig, blue
bag, and family. And before I had time to make up my
mind what I should do with his money (for of course I
meant not to keep it) the crier of the Court (as they
told me) came out, and wanted to know who I was. I
told him, as shortly as I could, that my business lay
with His Majesty's bench, and was very confidential;
upon which he took me inside with warning, and showed
me to an under-clerk, who showed me to a higher one,
and the higher clerk to the head one.
When this gentleman understood all about my business
(which I told him without complaint) he frowned at me
very heavily, as if I had done him an injury.
'John Ridd,' he asked me with a stern glance, 'is it
your deliberate desire to be brought into the presence
of the Lord Chief Justice?'
'Surely, sir, it has been my desire for the last two
months and more.'
'Then, John, thou shalt be. But mind one thing, not a
word of thy long detention, or thou mayst get into
trouble.'
'How, sir? For being detained against my own wish?' I
asked him; but he turned away, as if that matter were
not worth his arguing, as, indeed, I suppose it was
not, and led me through a little passage to a door with
a curtain across it.
'Now, if my Lord cross-question you,' the gentleman
whispered to me, 'answer him straight out truth at
once, for he will have it out of thee. And mind, he
loves not to be contradicted, neither can he bear a
hang-dog look. Take little heed of the other two; but
note every word of the middle one; and never make him
speak twice.'
I thanked him for his good advice, as he moved the
curtain and thrust me in, but instead of entering
withdrew, and left me to bear the brunt of it.
The chamber was not very large, though lofty to my
eyes, and dark, with wooden panels round it. At the
further end were some raised seats, such as I have seen
in churches, lined with velvet, and having broad
elbows, and a canopy over the middle seat. There were
only three men sitting here, one in the centre, and one
on each side; and all three were done up wonderfully
with fur, and robes of state, and curls of thick gray
horsehair, crimped and gathered, and plaited down to
their shoulders. Each man had an oak desk before him,
set at a little distance, and spread with pens and
papers. Instead of writing, however, they seemed to be
laughing and talking, or rather the one in the middle
seemed to be telling some good story, which the others
received with approval. By reason of their great
perukes it was hard to tell how old they were; but the
one who was speaking seemed the youngest, although he
was the chief of them. A thick-set, burly, and bulky
man, with a blotchy broad face, and great square jaws,
and fierce eyes full of blazes; he was one to be
dreaded by gentle souls, and to be abhorred by the
noble.
Between me and the three lord judges, some few lawyers
were gathering up bags and papers and pens and so
forth, from a narrow table in the middle of the room,
as if a case had been disposed of, and no other were
called on. But before I had time to look round twice,
the stout fierce man espied me, and shouted out with a
flashing stare'--
'How now, countryman, who art thou?'
'May it please your worship,' I answered him loudly, 'I
am John Ridd, of Oare parish, in the shire of Somerset,
brought to this London, some two months back by a
special messenger, whose name is Jeremy Stickles; and
then bound over to be at hand and ready, when called
upon to give evidence, in a matter unknown to me, but
touching the peace of our lord the King, and the
well-being of his subjects. Three times I have met our
lord the King, but he hath said nothing about his
peace, and only held it towards me, and every day, save
Sunday, I have walked up and down the great hall of
Westminster, all the business part of the day,
expecting to be called upon, yet no one hath called
upon me. And now I desire to ask your worship, whether
I may go home again?'
'Well, done, John,' replied his lordship, while I was
panting with all this speech; 'I will go bail for thee,
John, thou hast never made such a long speech before;
and thou art a spunky Briton, or thou couldst not have
made it now. I remember the matter well, and I myself
will attend to it, although it arose before my time'
--he was but newly Chief Justice--'but I cannot take it
now, John. There is no fear of losing thee, John, any
more than the Tower of London. I grieve for His
Majesty's exchequer, after keeping thee two months or
more.'
'Nay, my lord, I crave your pardon. My mother hath
been keeping me. Not a groat have I received.'
'Spank, is it so?' his lordship cried, in a voice that
shook the cobwebs, and the frown on his brow shook the
hearts of men, and mine as much as the rest of them,--
'Spank, is His Majesty come to this, that he starves
his own approvers?'
'My lord, my lord,' whispered Mr. Spank, the
chief-officer of evidence, 'the thing hath been
overlooked, my lord, among such grave matters of
treason.'
'I will overlook thy head, foul Spank, on a spike from
Temple Bar, if ever I hear of the like again. Vile
varlet, what art thou paid for? Thou hast swindled the
money thyself, foul Spank; I know thee, though thou art
new to me. Bitter is the day for thee that ever I came
across thee. Answer me not--one word more and I will
have thee on a hurdle.' And he swung himself to and fro
on his bench, with both hands on his knees; and every
man waited to let it pass, knowing better than to speak
to him.
'John Ridd,' said the Lord Chief Justice, at last
recovering a sort of dignity, yet daring Spank from the
corners of his eyes to do so much as look at him, 'thou
hast been shamefully used, John Ridd. Answer me not
boy; not a word; but go to Master Spank, and let me
know how he behaves to thee;' here he made a glance at
Spank, which was worth at least ten pounds to me; 'be
thou here again to-morrow, and before any other case is
taken, I will see justice done to thee. Now be off
boy; thy name is Ridd, and we are well rid of thee.'
I was only too glad to go, after all this tempest; as
you may well suppose. For if ever I saw a man's eyes
become two holes for the devil to glare from, I saw it
that day; and the eyes were those of the Lord Chief
Justice Jeffreys.
Mr. Spank was in the lobby before me, and before I had
recovered myself--for I was vexed with my own
terror--he came up sidling and fawning to me, with a
heavy bag of yellow leather.
'Good Master Ridd, take it all, take it all, and say a
good word for me to his lordship. He hath taken a
strange fancy to thee; and thou must make the most of
it. We never saw man meet him eye to eye so, and yet
not contradict him, and that is just what he loveth.
Abide in London, Master Ridd, and he will make thy
fortune. His joke upon thy name proves that. And I
pray you remember, Master Ridd, that the Spanks are
sixteen in family.'
But I would not take the bag from him, regarding it as
a sort of bribe to pay me such a lump of money, without
so much as asking how great had been my expenses.
Therefore I only told him that if he would kindly keep
the cash for me until the morrow, I would spend the
rest of the day in counting (which always is sore work
with me) how much it had stood me in board and lodging,
since Master Stickles had rendered me up; for until
that time he had borne my expenses. In the morning I
would give Mr. Spank a memorandum, duly signed, and
attested by my landlord, including the breakfast of
that day, and in exchange for this I would take the
exact amount from the yellow bag, and be very thankful
for it.
'If that is thy way of using opportunity,' said Spank,
looking at me with some contempt, 'thou wilt never
thrive in these times, my lad. Even the Lord Chief
Justice can be little help to thee; unless thou knowest
better than that how to help thyself '
It mattered not to me. The word 'approver' stuck in my
gorge, as used by the Lord Chief Justice; for we looked
upon an approver as a very low thing indeed. I would
rather pay for every breakfast, and even every dinner,
eaten by me since here I came, than take money as an
approver. And indeed I was much disappointed at being
taken in that light, having understood that I was sent
for as a trusty subject, and humble friend of His
Majesty.
In the morning I met Mr. Spank waiting for me at the
entrance, and very desirous to see me. I showed him my
bill, made out in fair copy, and he laughed at it, and
said, 'Take it twice over, Master Ridd; once for thine
own sake, and once for His Majesty's; as all his loyal
tradesmen do, when they can get any. His Majesty knows
and is proud of it, for it shows their love of his
countenance; and he says, "bis dat qui cito dat," then
how can I grumble at giving twice, when I give so
slowly?'
'Nay, I will take it but once,' I said; 'if His Majesty
loves to be robbed, he need not lack of his desire,
while the Spanks are sixteen in family.'
The clerk smiled cheerfully at this, being proud of his
children's ability; and then having paid my account, he
whispered,--
'He is all alone this morning, John, and in rare good
humour. He hath been promised the handling of poor
Master Algernon Sidney, and he says he will soon make
republic of him; for his state shall shortly be
headless. He is chuckling over his joke, like a pig
with a nut; and that always makes him pleasant. John
Ridd, my lord!' With that he swung up the curtain
bravely, and according to special orders, I stood, face
to face, and alone with Judge Jeffreys.
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